IC Contact - Duplicity

[understood]

username: Cst.B.Fraser

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[understood]

As much as it pains me to distress you, you must know I will not decide my course of action out of fear—not my own fear, and not yours, either.

[scarrystories]

That's why I opened by saying I had a reasonable, compelling argument.

[understood]

Very well, let's hear it.

[scarrystories]

[ Andy spends a lot of time typing/not typing. ]

Even if we ignore the dangers and how poorly all previous escape attempts have gone, there's no way to know if there will be a way back once the ship leaves city borders.

So, there's a high chance this is a one way trip. So that'd leave the people still here stranded I guess, and we'd never know what happened to you.

And then if it's not a one-way trip, but it takes a while, the city might mark you as having left the city, which would mean me and Andy would need to find some other place to live or move-in a new Dominant. Which would suck for us.

And there's a lot of other stuff, but I keep rereading and deleting it because it comes across as emotionally manipulative, and I don't wanna be that guy. So while I understand and admire the drive to do this, and would have probably cheerfully joined it only a few months ago, I think it's a bad idea. (I also would've thought it was a bad idea months ago, I just would've joined anyway.)

[understood]

You would not need to move out or bring in a new Dominant if I left a will, giving the Canadian Consulate over to Faith, with the understanding that she would take up your contracts. I can't imagine that you really believe I'd leave without at least making provision for you not to be left homeless and unprotected.

There are a number of other points we disagree on, but that's not important. They're largely matters of opinion, and in any case I don't intend to try to sway you. Your position has been noted.

[scarrystories]

Are you going?

[understood]

Well, I'm certainly not going to make a decision about it right this second, Andy. I'm surprised you would ask.

[scarrystories]

[ There's a lot of 'typing' 'not typing' again. ]

All right. Let me know.

[understood]

Of course. You'll be the first to know.

[scarrystories]

See you when you get home.

[understood]

See you then.

[ He arrives home at his usual time and pauses just inside the door to take off his work boots like on every ordinary day. ]

I'm home.

[scarrystories]

Hey.

[ Andy is in the kitchen, stress baking. Healthy Coping Mechanisms. Ben might notice he's very tense. ]

[understood]

Hi.

[ Ben comes over and kisses him on the cheek. ]

What's wrong...? Is young Andy worse?

[scarrystories]

No news there. It's fine, just— fears that will not decide your course of action.


[ He's aiming for a light tone, but he misses the mark a bit. ]

[understood]

[ Fraser frowns a little, uncertain. ]

You're still anxious?

[scarrystories]

I'm terrified!

[ His voice goes high and shaky. And he makes himself breath in and out, leaning against the counter. ]

It's fine. It's fine, it's six weeks away, I'm okay.

[ It's very possible he's been saying that to himself over and over for several hours. ]

[understood]

Oh. Oh, I see.

[ He's startled as well as dismayed, and he immediately goes over to put his arms around Andy. ]

[scarrystories]

[ This isn't at all reassuring, but he does let himself sink against Ben. ]

I'm sorry.

[ It's like he's trying to switch off whatever feelings he's feeling one by one and it's only half working. ]

[understood]

I don't see what in the world you have to be sorry for.

[ Ben holds him close, nuzzling under his ear a bit like a worried puppy. ]

[scarrystories]

This isn't fair to you.

[ He seems to be effectively shutting down whatever feelings he was having. ]

We can talk it out once you know.

[ He's also very carefully avoiding looking at Ben as he speaks. ]

[understood]

I thought we had talked it out.

[scarrystories]

... no. We can't talk it out until I know if you're going. Because— I get my feelings on the matter are irrelevant, but whatever you do is gonna inform what I do, but I don't wanna speculate because I've been running scenarios all afternoon and it's making me miserable. So it's fine, I'll just bake and shelve it until you know.

[ He kisses Ben very quickly, and then goes back to his cupcakes!!! ]

[understood]

Your feelings are not irrelevant.

[ He's so confused, but very firm and indignant on that point. ]

[scarrystories]

I told you I didn't want you to go, I told you I was anxious, and you said you wouldn't decide based on that. So, they're irrelevant.

[ HE IS!!! MAKING!!! CUPCAKES!!! ]

It's fine, my fears are my own problem. Just let me know when you know.

[understood]

That is so reductive as to be false.