understood | IC Contact

No? [You're no fun, Benton!]
But, like, what if I want to see you blush?

No. Even when I have posed as a woman in the past, I simply went by Ms. Fraser.
And, as you've probably realized, that's really not difficult to achieve.

I have noticed that. [and he's enjoyed it immensely.]

I did really enjoy that fantasy... [even if perhaps Benton did not. ]

[ He does not reply for an entire hour. Eventually, though... ]

As did I, I'll admit.

[When he didn't respond right away, Wade figures that's answer enough. Is he sad? No. No, of course not. Of course not. It's expected. It's fine. ~~He's definitely sad.~~ So when he sees that text, he scrambles to answer back.]

You did?

I did.

I mean, it was evident, wasn't it?

At the time.
But what about when you came back to reality...?

[ There's some more typing/not typing for awhile. ]

My feelings were mixed.
You weren't disturbed by the experience at all?

I don't have the firmest grasp on reality, Benton.

[See? He used the right name this time.]

What's one story versus another?

Edited 2022-03-04 23:02 (UTC)

It wasn't so much the narrative that I minded. I'm not too proud to accept a much-needed assist from a friend, and I don't even particularly object to playing the part of a princess, although I am embarrassed not to have recognized the allegorical nature of the dragon in the moment.

[ Especially since Wade did, but he's not going to admit that, especially when it seems sort of unkind after Wade implied that maybe he was able to for reasons that aren't entirely positive or voluntary. But also just because Fraser can be a competitive jerk under the courtesy, but that doesn't mean he has to cop to it. ]

It was just that, while it has been suggested to me on multiple occasions that I may have a hole in my bag of marbles, I personally would have preferred that, if any versions of us were going to choose to be intimate, I would have been a version of myself who was more... myself.

I'm sorry, I may have lost track of that sentence.

I suppose it's nice to have that kind of control. Not that this place really allows for it often.

Do you even think we would have ever been intimate without it? You don't need to spare my feelings.

It had begun to occur to me that we might be.

Even after months here, I tend to be a little slow on the uptake when it comes to these things. I'm aware that's a problem I have.

[ Typing, not typing. Even over text it's clear he's having trouble expressing what he wants to say. ]

But I thought you and I were developing a rapport. And I know it's a luxury, especially here, to be able to let things develop gradually, between people who are more or less inhabiting a single identity.

[ If he were speaking aloud there would be a lot more filler noises, but he doesn't do that so much in writing. ]

As you say, it would have been nice.
I'm sorry, I don't mean to go on and on.

I did like our rapport. It was very nice rapport.
And it's not every day I can get swept off my feet by a man on a dog sled...

[Now that he's reading Benton's words, he is feeling like something was stolen from him too. An experience that he's not really had here. Even back home in a way. As much as he'd loved Vanessa, they had fallen into bed near immediately upon meeting.]

Well, I should hope not.
Anyway, I find myself somewhat at a loss as to how to behave now. Because I both have and haven't been intimate with you, and I both was and wasn't myself, and I both did and didn't choose it.

It's a bit awkward, honestly.