IC Contact - Duplicity

[understood]

username: Cst.B.Fraser

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[understood]

It's a little embarrassing, Andy... and it doesn't seem fair to tell you all the details when I haven't asked him if he'd like to keep it private...

[ But that doesn't mean he has a problem holding Andy's hand and sitting on the couch with him. ]

cw: rape mention

[scarrystories]

I don't need to know what he did, just how you felt.

[ Andy wants to know if it was rape— he did experience one of those books and knows how real it felt. ]

[understood]

Even though I wasn't myself, in many senses?

[ It wasn't really how he felt, it was how Third Science Officer Fraser felt. ]

[scarrystories]

Do the memories not feel yours?

[ Andy's do, but his experiences are probably not universal. ]

[understood]

[ Do they...? He takes a moment to consider that, quietly. ]

It's an interesting question. I suppose they do, but... in the sense that I sometimes remember a vivid dream. I remember the experience, and that it made sense internally at the time, but looking back, it's easy to understand that it wasn't reality.

[scarrystories]

Oh, that's good.

[ It means emotional detachment will be easier. ]

... so, do you wanna hang out with Huasiang because you enjoyed the dream or because you didn't?

[understood]

I want to spend time with him because I enjoy his company. And now that you're getting to know each other as well... I just think it would be nice. It has nothing to do with the book. It's just that I'm worried it might—colour things.

[scarrystories]

So you've talked since?

[understood]

No, but we've spent a good deal of time together. I mean... before that. We'd discussed the possibility of— and the risks— I mean, not in any great detail, and we never, or rather, I never... committed. But.

[scarrystories]

Wait, so you're telling me you have a close friend you'd never told me about?

[ Even though he can't help sounding cranky, Andy's also visibly relieved. He was worried Ben had just met him, but if they're close then this whole thing is less of an issue. ]

[understood]

I suppose so.

Sorry.

... I don't know that he considers me a close friend, honestly. But he's been very kind.

[scarrystories]

Are we bad at talking to each other about what's going on with us?

[understood]

No, I don't think so. Are we? Do you think so...? We're talking right now...

[ He knows sometimes he's hurt Andy's feelings in the past by not disclosing things in a timely fashion, though, so now he's concerned. ]

I'm sorry if I— well. I know I'm not always as communicative as you'd prefer. But I honestly wasn't trying to keep anything from you, and particularly in the case of my friendship with Huaisang, there were circumstances... as you know, I did drown shortly after the first time I met, and then by the time I remembered—well, anything, it no longer seemed germane.

I'm sure I don't know about all your friends, either. And I don't think there's anything wrong with that.

[scarrystories]

No, no, I wasn't putting it on you. I haven't had a boyfriend before, so I don't know what's... healthy or expected or the average experience.

[understood]

As you know, nor do I. But... I think we're doing alright.

[scarrystories]

I think maybe coerced sex is something that should've come up? I haven't had to deal with that yet.

[ Mostly because he kind of jumps into the drugged nonsense without thinking too hard about it, but still. ]

[understood]

I didn't really consider it to be coerced. I mean... for my character, it was, but I chose to read the book of my own accord, knowing that sex would be a component of the experience.

[scarrystories]

Then why are you so... shaken?

[understood]

Well, it was a very strange and vivid experience, Andy.

[scarrystories]

But was it good?

[understood]

... in what sense?

[scarrystories]

Did you enjoy it? Like, I don't know, I keep thinking about angel dick. Though not as much as I think about your knives.

[understood]

I enjoyed some of it, but I don't think that I would have if I hadn't been chemically affected. And it's not an experience I'd like to repeat.

[scarrystories]

So I shouldn't ask about alien genitalia?

[understood]

[ Fraser just makes a face at him. ]