IC Contact - Duplicity

[understood]

username: Cst.B.Fraser

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[scarrystories]

[ He laughs. He doesn't want to, but he can't help it. ]

Ben, I think maybe, maybe we get to a point where I don't have to wish you'd gagged me before we started. I'm absolutely certain you are at no risk of ever prioritizing sex over more important aspects of your life.

[ Maybe he could get wrapped up in a person, but Ben's person is Ray, they'll be fine. ]

[understood]

...

But even if I accept, intellectually, that it will do me no harm to learn to let go in this particular context, I don't know how to get over the... well, to be frank, impulse to panic, though. Especially in the moment.

[scarrystories]

Then panic. Feel whatever your body needs to feel, talk it out, the rest of you will catch up with time.

I wasn't entirely kidding about exposure therapy.

[understood]

I absolutely cannot ask you to be my sex therapist, Andy.

[scarrystories]

That sounds unethical. And that's not what I'm offering, I'm saying we should continue as we have and it's fine if you panic.

[understood]

And you're really sure about that?

[scarrystories]

Absolutely. I'm never going to be upset if you need to stop.

[understood]

[ He sighs softly, then goes quiet, feeling something akin to grief and not understanding why in the least. ]

[scarrystories]

Hey, what's wrong?

[understood]

I don't... know. I don't think anything is wrong.

[scarrystories]

You look sad.

[understood]

Do I?

[scarrystories]

... you do. What can I do?

[understood]

I'm not sure. I didn't realize.

[scarrystories]

What would you like our relationship to look like, ideally.

[understood]

Ideally?

[scarrystories]

Mmh, if we didn't have to worry about feelings or panic.

[understood]

I've never really thought about it.

[scarrystories]

Ah... then I have no idea of what went wrong.

[understood]

Would you like our relationship to change, Andy? Ideally?

[scarrystories]

... I like what we're doing now.

[ He likes this better when it's about Ben. ]

[understood]

As do I. But... ideally?

[scarrystories]

Within this hellhole's limits, ideally we'd have a bigger place with a built-in playroom and you and Ray would tag team me often.

[ He's deflecting a little, because he doesn't know and thinking about it freaks him out. ]

[understood]

It's quite unfortunate that you're not permitted to live with us as someone else's sub.

[scarrystories]

I'm sure I'll be around a lot regardless.

[ The thought of being around less and moving out is fine and not at all upsetting and he definitely has no negative feelings about it at all. ]