IC Contact - Duplicity

[understood]

username: Cst.B.Fraser

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[understood]

I'm not sure I know quite what you mean.

[scarrystories]

Nevermind. We're still talking about sex, then.

[understood]

I was, yes. It's certainly not a personality trait that only applies to my... my "sex life," though. It's just in that context that it worries me.

[ Always with the air quotes. ]

[scarrystories]

Have you ever had a problem with addiction? Or... smaller things like, being unable to stop eating chips until you're out?

[understood]

Not... exactly. It's more things like... answers, or the pursuit of justice.

[scarrystories]

Do you think that for you, the pursuit of justice and the pursuit of orgasms could ever fall on the same priority level?

[understood]

It could happen! You don't know it won't!

[scarrystories]

[ He laughs. He doesn't want to, but he can't help it. ]

Ben, I think maybe, maybe we get to a point where I don't have to wish you'd gagged me before we started. I'm absolutely certain you are at no risk of ever prioritizing sex over more important aspects of your life.

[ Maybe he could get wrapped up in a person, but Ben's person is Ray, they'll be fine. ]

[understood]

...

But even if I accept, intellectually, that it will do me no harm to learn to let go in this particular context, I don't know how to get over the... well, to be frank, impulse to panic, though. Especially in the moment.

[scarrystories]

Then panic. Feel whatever your body needs to feel, talk it out, the rest of you will catch up with time.

I wasn't entirely kidding about exposure therapy.

[understood]

I absolutely cannot ask you to be my sex therapist, Andy.

[scarrystories]

That sounds unethical. And that's not what I'm offering, I'm saying we should continue as we have and it's fine if you panic.

[understood]

And you're really sure about that?

[scarrystories]

Absolutely. I'm never going to be upset if you need to stop.

[understood]

[ He sighs softly, then goes quiet, feeling something akin to grief and not understanding why in the least. ]

[scarrystories]

Hey, what's wrong?

[understood]

I don't... know. I don't think anything is wrong.

[scarrystories]

You look sad.

[understood]

Do I?

[scarrystories]

... you do. What can I do?

[understood]

I'm not sure. I didn't realize.

[scarrystories]

What would you like our relationship to look like, ideally.

[understood]

Ideally?

[scarrystories]

Mmh, if we didn't have to worry about feelings or panic.

[understood]

I've never really thought about it.